sigh

"sigh" is the best I can do right now.

Ever had just a total doozy of a week?

Last Sunday I had a much needed conversation with a certain person*.
I didn't realize until the end of our conversation how exhausted I really was. This was our second "go-round" as I like to call it... I thought that maybe this time it would be different, that maybe now he was really "ready," and that maybe he actually had realized what a good thing he had let go, and oh, you know... all of that other naive, or shall we say hopeful (?) thinking. But, alas, that was not the case.

But before you feel too bad for me, I was relieved. It needed to end, and as much as I was trying to be open, I just wasn't sure exactly at what point I would concede a loss. So his honesty about not really feeling like it was working made it a lot easier for me.
On paper it seemed like a match made in heaven! We had a lot in common but that wasn't necessarily translating into magnetic chemistry...

In other news, I finally realized the intensity of feeling that I once had for a previous boyfriend, who just so happens to live on another continent and be of a race different than mine. My parents freaked out (not really a surprise) and while I loved him, I never even entertained the possibility of our relationship making it through the long-haul - in part I guess because I knew I did not have their support. Over the course of 2 days I unpacked (through tears) all that had long laid buried.

And thats why "sigh" is the best I can do for now...

{*I first called him Anti-Mr. Darcy to invoke Anti-Christ connotations but the next day felt that may have been too harsh...}